My Once a Month Shower

Yes, this is a post all about my once a month shower. Not that I shower ONLY once a month. Come on, that would be gross. I shower on a pretty regular basis. I mean, I am a mother of young ones, so I might not shower as much as you. But I usually have decently clean hair and no one really complains that I smell.

This post is about the glorious shower that I slip in there about once a month. Let me explain.

Here is a my shower. Notice the extra large rain shower head. Looks pretty amazing, uh!?! And those body sprayers, they are fancy, and fun to use. It's enclosed with large glass doors and my bathroom has big windows that let in all this gorgeous natural light. It's a prefect place to wash your worries, cares, and dirt right down the drain.

Crank that hot water, fog the glass with steam, and feel your muscles relax. Emerge clean and refreshed.

Well, at least that's how it goes for my Hubby on the daily.

He wakes, after hitting snooze about half a dozen times. Strolls downstairs and gets his workout in. Mixes his protein shakes and checks an email or two. Rolls back up to our little slice of heaven and turns the water on. He showers. By himself, like a normal human being. In his own time, with the water the temperature he prefers. Alone. Solo. All by his lonesome. Lucky Bastard.

I, get that wonderful, glorious experience about once a month. Here is how a normal shower goes for me.

It's been three days since my last shower and I can no longer claim that my hair is decently clean and I'm sure if I crossed paths with another adult, they would tell me I smell. I'm desperate for hot scolding water and soap. I lug the two toddlers up the stairs, armed with snacks, sippy cups and iPads. I make them a fort in the closet closest to the shower and scroll through Netflix while one hems and haws over what to watch. Repeat this act for second child. Quickly strip, jump in and try to wash as quickly as possible before either can realize I'm in the shower...I'm never fast enough!!

Glass door slides open, blasting me with cold air and in bounces child #1. "It's HOT! I like cold water. Make it cold, Mommy" Sigh. I hate cool water. I want it to scold my skin. I want to emerge with pink hue.

This attracts child #2. "I get in. I get in" This child can't get undressed by himself. Which means I must get half way out of the shower to complete this task. And in he goes. This creates great excitement between the two and shrieking begins. Shrieking is twice as loud in a bathroom. It echoes and is ear piercingly horrid.

Currently there is no room for me under the now too cold stream of water. But I still have shampoo in my hair. All enjoyment of my much anticipated shower is gone. It's now just a task to complete. But at least I'll smell good and feel like a decent human being after.

When I just can't stomach the idea of another overly loud, cold shower. I pack up my things and head to the Community Centre. Get a workout in and grab two of the slightly larger than a hand-towel, can't cover my butt and boobs at the same time, rough as sandpaper, but at least I don't have to wash them, towels they provide.

Get out my Walmart special flip-flops and try to cover enough of my body to maintain my dignity, while trekking through the locker room. Hit the showers with the blast your skin from your bones water pressure and crank that water to HOT. I try to keep the ridiculously thin plastic curtain from toughing me while I wash. Seriously, if it touches you, it clings, like some sort of weird sea creature and it gives me the willies.

At least it's quiet and I'm alone. Well, except for the old ladies that are lingering in the other shower stalls. But the water stream is all mine and I don't have to share. So I try not to think about them.

This might seem like an obvious choice for what should be my preferred method of showering. And some days it is. But honestly, there is just something down right sad about the hideous beige color and slightly moldy smell of the place that can't allow it to the most enjoyable experience!! Plus, I never have what I need when I get back out of the shower. My bag never gets fully stocked. Ugh.

So I will continue to cherish and look forward to my glorious once a month showers. At home, with the extra large rain shower head, the water my perfect temp, and me, on my own. Alone. Solo. All by myself. Soaking up the steam.